


Waves and Particles

by TheGreenestGreenToEverGreen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drabble, First Time, M/M, Misuse of Science, No Plot, No Sex, No Smut, Random Musings, kiss, lol I’m not exactly selling this am I, no set point in time, non-binary, post hunt, quantum physics, the message is be who you are without labels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-03-15 11:40:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13612599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGreenestGreenToEverGreen/pseuds/TheGreenestGreenToEverGreen
Summary: Like it has done for the past 5 billion years and will continue to do for many more- the Sun is busy shining, or more specifically: emitting photons. Small packets of finite energy that set off dauntlessly on an unimaginable journey through the vastness of space with no set destination in mind. Most pass unremarked, some few inspire painters or poets, but in this particular universe at this particular point in time, 93 million miles from their point of origin, some seem destined to encounter a random mote of dust and inspire a weary hunter.This is not their story. They are just a catalyst to one man kissing his brother.





	Waves and Particles

**Author's Note:**

> A/N - This is just my random thought drabble. I’m not sure how much overlap there is between people who like to ponder quantum physics in their spare time and people who ship wincest. I think the Venn diagram might be two little circles on opposite sides of the globe. So I am not going to cry if no one appreciates my inane ramblings. But the point is: Fuck it. Just be yourself :)
> 
> In this I kinda use Binary in its scientific definition. That of 1 or 0, Yes or No. But it is my intent to apply the concept to other situations where the allegory holds true.
> 
> P.S. just in case there are any physicists out there. I obviously haven’t unified General Relativity and Quantum Physics. And university was a while ago now. If it’s wrong, it’s just me being an atom. You know you can’t trust atoms right? They make up everything.

—oOo—

Sam was watching a mote of dust as it drifted through a golden shaft of light that penetrated the grimy motel window. The ache in his left shoulder and the scratches across his ribs - after being carefully inspected by his brother and dismissed as minor - were as momentarily forgotten as was the dew coated bottle of beer dangling loosely from his elegant fingers. 

With the background aches no threat to his well being, the calm of a hunt well completed was softly stealing over his mind, rolling into the haze of adrenaline-comedown and weariness. Had they been back on the road, his tired muscles cradled by the warm embrace of soft leather, the soothing rumble of tires on asphalt and the drone of soft rock on the radio - he would have been drooling against the window, the steady comfort of his brother at his side. Instead he had stiffly lowered himself onto a lumpy motel mattress, leaning back against the cheap wooden headboard, long legs stretched out upon the scratchy orange comforter. Lazily turning his head to watch his brother seated at the small rickety motel table, clicking away on the laptop in the waning afternoon light. 

A headline in a local paper had caught Dean’s eye as they wrapped up the case, and bouncing on a surge of energy that was just bewildering to Sam, Dean had insisted that they at least look into the details, rather than head out only to come back. But with no one dead, and the lead not definite, Sam had no real expectation that it would pan out, it was just Dean working off the last of his rush. So he had opened a beer and allowed his overworked body to slump back and watched Dean chase his lead, the wait carrying the feeling of an interlude before the journey home, rather than an added deadline.

A bead of condensation from the side of said beer was now coalescing and trickled down over Sam’s finger, giving a prod to his lazy thoughts. He absently tightened his grip and ignoring the slight increased ache in his shoulder, raised the bottle to his lips. Throat bobbing gently around a long sip as cool liquid soothed over his tongue, and slid down his throat, giving a soft rejuvenating tingle. His tongue peeking out from between his teeth as the bottle was lowered, chasing the lingering trace of wetness from the edge of his bottom lip.

The mote of dust was still drifting lazily just inches in front of his brothers face. It didn’t seem inclined to hurry on its journey, maybe it too felt the gravitational pull of the body it orbited. 

Dean remained oblivious, his gaze lowered to the screen, strong fingers tapping away, intent on his mission at hand. And even should those expressive green eyes raise - they were probably not likely to notice random minuscule motes of dust, even those basking in golden light. 

But then that might be because Dean was a Particle himself.

Sam might be more tired than he thought, he was fairly certain he wasn’t concussed, thankfully nothing had connected with his head on this hunt. It was just that his thoughts were seeping slowly towards that dreamlike state. Moving idly from one concept onto the next, with a connection that was sometimes obscure to the casual observer but never questioned in the logic of dreams.

The knowledge arrived fully formed and whole within his mind, as if this was a truth that he should have known all along. Dean was a Particle. He knew exactly what he was and where he was and what he was doing.

The world was made up of particles. This was the truth as known by learnered scientists. It was the foundation upon which all other principles were built, the laws of physics that governed every action and reaction, the rules of motion and attraction.

Setting aside the mass or physical characteristics of the particle in question - the gravitational force that it exerted on the bodies caught in its orbit - it existed in its set location, within its time frame, moving at prescribed velocity towards a collision that would cause an interaction with its environment. It was binary. It was or was not. It moved or was at rest. One state or the other. It’s characteristics (no matter how great or unusual) prescribed by causality and bound by the laws of Yes or No.

Sam was not a Particle. Binary was not a concept that he had ever successfully been able to apply to himself. To be one state or the other in its entirety. He had struggled with the concept, sought to apply the wisdom of learnered professors to his own situation, but totality was too finite. Too constraining. Only applying to certain facets of himself. No longer true when applied to the whole. And yet others seemed so sure of who and what they were.

The sum of himself fit no single one description - any standards he considered against himself soon made discrepancies clear. He strove to be good, but to be entirely good was not attainable. He struggled with the concept of evil, because if one was not good, then what was the classification of evil. 

So many standards, so many lines in the sand, so many descriptions to measure against.

To love or not to love.  
To kill or not to kill.  
To be strong or to be flexible.  
To be masculine or feminine.  
To be normal or to be a freak.

It seemed that the world was composed of boxes, set sizes and categories, energy states that self-contained bodies automatically settled into. Yet these lines appeared before him as a sliding scale with no demarcation of correctness.

He was a Wave. A Wave struggling to be a Particle. Constantly trying to assess the probability of the greatest density of himself being located in the exact time and place to interact ‘correctly’ with the particles around him. Damn Heisenberg and his uncertainty. All the while ignoring the very real probability that he might exist in a contrary state simultaneously.

Sam eyes drifted away from the glowing dust mote which still had not found its way into the shadows. The insignificant speck of dust that had found the right air currents at the right moment in time, to drift into the path of photons that had traveled 93 million miles uninterrupted to meet it. Parcels of sun energy that had no problem being both a wave and a particle. Energy which interacted freely with the mote of dust they had been destined to collide with and created beauty out of insignificance.

Sam slowly levelled himself forward from leaning against the headboard and set down his bottle of beer on the nightstand. The revelation pushing its way upwards through the obscuring clouds of his mind. 

The sunlight didn’t try to be a particle. It didn’t angst over its ability to occupy finite states, or conform to binary categories. It was a wave. But the beauty of the universe is that the cat is both dead and alive. It does not fight to return from one state to the other or claw to maintain its status. It just IS both dead AND alive.

Sam rose to his feet, his aches and pains left behind him on the scratchy orange comforter along with his angst and confliction. Long legs crossed the stained motel carpet in two swift strides and leaning forward into the shaft of golden evening sunlight he settled one large hand upon the scruff of his brothers cheek. And as wide emerald eyes ascended to meet his own, he drew forward, colliding soft warm lips with their inevitable point of contact. In the space of an infinite moment, work-roughened hands rose with utter surety to cradle the back of Sam’s skull. The answering reaction of lips joining his own as preordained as the laws of gravity, as wonderous as the vastness of space, yet somehow as assured to be constant as the speed of light. And the golden mote of dust continued its now unobserved dance in the sunlight- still with no inclination to enter the shadows.

FIN

—o0o—

**Author's Note:**

> A/N  
> Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle in quantum physics can be simplified in certain formats to state: you can know where something is OR when, but not be precise about both at the same time. The point being that things are not clockwork certain so you can only calculate the probability of something not it’s definitive state (Of course there is more to it than that but starting with simplified concepts can be helpful)  
> Schrodinger's Cat - is a thought experiment designed to (mock) demonstrate the conflicting nature of energy existing simultaneously as both a particle and a wave. A cat being unable to be both dead and alive at the same time (not undead, or dying, or on the cusp of either, but actually both conflicting states simultaneously). But the joy of quantum physics is that this is not only possible but actually occurs constantly. 
> 
> While I was idly wondering why anybody would consider themselves binary in anything, it struck me that conflicting viewpoints don’t need to exist in, well, conflict :)


End file.
